Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
