i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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