i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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