whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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