With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
