one two three fourrrrnication!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
