smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
