I just pynch a tree in the face
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
