hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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