I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
