Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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