he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
