That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
