Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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