my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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