there's paper in my vomit.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize