dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
