i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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