Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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