I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
