I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
