my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
