she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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