You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
