Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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