I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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