I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just tell him i said nine months
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
