It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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