Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
