I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
