Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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