The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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