ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
