She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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