You're so nebulous sometimes
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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