I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
