I got chris browned last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
