My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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