I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
