I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
