I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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