Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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