I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
