My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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