I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
