my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
