I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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