I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
