Man, jail baloney is awful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
