toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
