How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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