I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize