It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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