just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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