im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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