You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
