tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
