she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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