I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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