brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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