so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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